1941-2008

as i said before, my grandmother died a few days ago.
and honestly, i have no idea of how to handle it. the last time someone in my family died was when i was six. that person was my greatgrandfather, who i probably saw a grand total of five times.
my grandmother was the grandparent i was closest too. she was the one i spent the most time with, had the most fun with and learned the most from. i knew for over a year that she had terminal lukemia, but still...at first the doctors said she could have ten years left, than five years, then one year, then six months, then one months, then a few weeks, then a few days and then finally a few hours. she died about two years after she was diagnosed. so much for what the doctors said.
and the thing is, i'm not feeling much. i was sadder when i found out that heath ledger died. i didn't even know him, but i was still sadder. my father, who hated my grandmother, was crying for hours. i just sat there. the thing is, i never got to say goodbye to her. she never knew that i said goodbye. and that's because i didn't.
here's a poem i wrote in honor of her.

you sit there all alone
so small and so weak
you're sleeping now
unable to feel the pain
there's just peace for you
but there's none for me
i watch you, the tears falling
wishing i could say goodbye
but i can't
i'm too scared
goodbye
please know that i said goodbye
-amy rosch

thanks for reading this
extra51